This makes me realize more and more how much this program is a lifetime program. This was a good start for me but there were still a lot of “I’s” as I experienced this step. As with all the steps I have found for me, that as time moves on they reveal more and more to me. The more I practiced this step the more I found out how much healing comes from it and not just for me. During my drinking “career” I lived far away from my family, therefore, no amends were required.
- Although step nine can be difficult, participants should remember that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
- The four categories determine the manner in which the recovering alcoholic will express their amends.
- Show that you understand the impact of your past actions and are committed to making things right.
- This was a good start for me but there were still a lot of “I’s” as I experienced this step.
My Loved One Needs Help
This can mean restoring our reputations, and even restoring trust in a relationship. Step Nine is that biggie step, the one we likely have created some anxiety over because it involves making amends. You can help people who are affected by alcoholism by making a donation to the Cleveland District Office. At Silvermist we are committed to being available for you or your family member day or night, you can call us 24/7. American Addiction Centers (AAC) is committed living amends to delivering original, truthful, accurate, unbiased, and medically current information.
…everything was catered towards my life.
- You can find a 12-step program by downloading the AA Meeting Guide app, which connects you to more than 100,000 meetings in person and online.
- It’s about releasing the guilt and shame that may have been holding you back and embracing the prospect of a healthier future.
- When discussing our amends list with our sponsors, if we are open-minded, we can start to think about these kinds of situations in ways we haven’t thought about them before.
- It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal.
- It’s interesting to note, that when someone does actually harm us, we’ve learned that holding resentments only serves to rob us of our own peace and serenity, so we tend to forgive them sooner rather than later.
- You’ve probably already discovered that by staying clean and sober and by working the Twelve Steps of AA that things are getting better.
- You will need to demonstrate that you are committed to rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship with them.
There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage. Join our supportive sober community where each day becomes a step towards personal growth and lasting positive change. There may be times when approaching another person directly or seeking to provide restitution could be painful or harmful for that person.
What Is Step 9?
- To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way.
- We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends.
- Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt.
We become aware that since we usually mean well, we can extend that belief to others. It’s interesting to note, that when someone does actually harm us, we’ve learned that holding resentments only serves to rob us of our own peace and serenity, so we tend to forgive them sooner rather than later. If the response isn’t what you hoped, take time to recenter and self-soothe.
Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles. For example, if we hurt people with our lying and we cannot make amends without further injuring them, we would make living amends by making a decision to behave and communicate with complete honesty. At Boardwalk Recovery Center, we support clients through the steps and encourage them to make amends when appropriate to restore their relationships and sense of morality.
Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. If we had not done the work in the first eight steps, we wouldn’t now have a foundation on which to stand while we make our amends. If we had not developed a relationship with a Higher Power, we wouldn’t now have the faith and trust that we definitely need to work Step Nine!
So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can. When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk. When choosing to make amends, exercise careful consideration of yourself and others to ensure you avoid causing further harm in your recovery efforts.